“I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.”

“It pays to get drunk with the best people.”

“I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.”

“The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.”

“There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.”

“I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.”

“A doctor must work eighteen hours a day and seven days a week. If you cannot console yourself to this, get out of the profession.”

“In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?”

“Do not work primarily for money; do your duty to patients first and let the money follow; our life is short, we don't live twice; the whirlwind will pick up the leaves and spin them, but then it wi...”

“We may never be as big as WWE, but the cool thing about TNA is that we are the alternative. So people who get tired and bored with the WWE - I've been there, I understand - there's an alternative a...”

“iTunes kind of feels like Sam Goody to me. I don't feel cool when I go there. I'm tired of seeing John Mayer's face pop up.”

“I've got a new invention. It's a revolving bowl for tired goldfish.”

“I am the perfect version of me.”

“But if you tame me, then weshall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, Ishall be unique in all the world.”

“I don't want the world to keep turning without me on it.”