“Sure we could replace war with paintball battles. But it would escalate to paint grenades, paint bombs, weapons of mass paint. I dont want to live in a world where my kids have to worry about what ...”

“Never second guess yourself. Or do, maybe. Whatever you feel good about.”

“In geometry, whenever we had to find the area of a circle, pi * radius squared, I would get really hungry for pie. Square pie.”

“Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, "Quit eating us," and sharks are like, "Stop smiling all the time, you morons.”

“Theres no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbors yard.”

“...I do come home at Christmas. We all do, or we all should. We all come home, or ought to come home, for a short holiday - the longer, the better - from the great boarding-school, where we are for...”

“He went to the church, and walked about the streets, and watched the people hurrying to and for, and patted the children on the head, and questioned beggars, and looked down into the kitchens of ho...”

“The Christmas presents once opened are Not So Much Fun as they were while we were in the process of examining, lifting, shaking, thinking about, and opening them. Three hundred sixty-five days late...”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”