“Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as too long.”

“The first way not to shake hands is executed by receiving someones hand in yours and proceeding to squeeze it tightly, hurting the other party as if they were responsible for a past death in your f...”

“Ever since the robot was first invented, there have been people who swear up and down that this marks the first step towards the fall of man To be fair, their arguments are backed with scientific ...”

“It wasnt enough that I had to worry about playing well and winning the game, but I also had to deal with possibility that one of my teammates could be dragged off the field by the inhabitants of th...”

“[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when Im carrying piping hot coffee.”

“After all, this was the place where Id had my first meaningful conversation with a female, it was the site of a footballs first encounter with my groin, and above all, it was the location where I w...”

“I would go to parties and say I was an editor, and people, especially women and that was important to me back then would say, Oh, really? and raise their eyebrows and look at me a little more car...”

“There is a point in the future where even the worst disaster starts to settle into an anecdote.”

“Our family was nearly torn apart on several occasions by arguments started when the refrigerator door was open for what my father deemed as too long.”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“Mountains are giant, restful, absorbent. You can heave your spirit into a mountain and the mountain will keep it, folded, and not throw it back as some creeks will. The creeks are the world with al...”

“Claim whatever you want. Say you only want a happy family or a successful career or a big house. I say: no, that's not what you want. You'll settle for those things, but you really want a monkey th...”

“L'utilit du vivre n'est pas en l'espace: elle est en l'usage.”