“Money won't buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a huge research staff to study the problem.”

“We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong.”

“Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.”

“A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.”

“The tax collector must love poor people, he's creating so many of them.”

“The Vice-Presidency is sort of like the last cookie on the plate. Everybody insists he won't take it, but somebody always does.”

“Yes, a war is inevitable. Firstly, there's you fellows who can't be trusted. And then there's the multitude who mean to have bathrooms and white enamel. Millions of them; all over the world. Not me...”

“Well-being is attained little by little, and nevertheless is no little thing itself.”

“Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside, is a safe rule for those who would always retain the good opinion of that all-powerful, but somewhat unintelligent,...”