“Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.”

“The only man who wasn't spoilt by being lionized was Daniel.”

“When I pass my name in such large letters I blush but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.”

“He is an old bore even the grave yawns for him.”

“When I pass my name in such large letters I blush but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.”

“Tenacity bores failure.”

“Social media: a fine tool for radicalised idiots to find each other, a promised land for the pub bores and Champ Man anoraks of the nation.”

“How is it that we remember the least triviality that happens to us and yet not remember how often we have recounted it to the same person?”

“Our labour preserves us from three great evils -- weariness, vice, and want.”

“Doing nothing is the hardest torture that a person can put himself through. For he is always brought face to face with his own self, which demands that he gives account for the sun which he useless...”

“We just philosophize, complain of boredom, or drink vodka. It's so clear, you see, that if we're to begin living in the present, we must first of all redeem our past and then be done with it foreve...”