“In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.”

“There is one kind of laugh that I always did recommend; it looks out of the eye first with a merry twinkle, then it creeps down on its hands and knees and plays around the mouth like a pretty moth ...”

“the squeeky wheel gets the grease.”

“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.”

“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed.”

“One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.”

“A good traveler leaves no tracks. Good speech lacks fault-finding.”

“My father always said that too many words cheapened the value of a man's speech.”

“Words', he said, 'is oh such a twitch-tickling problem to me all my life. So you must simply try to be patient and stop squibbling. As I am telling you before, I know exactly what words I am wantin...”

“A tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edged tool that grows keener with constant use.”

“I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.”

“Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.”