“I always hated those classic kid movies like Old Yeller or The Yearling where the beloved pet dies. What would be so wrong with having those damn kids learn their lessons about mortality from watch...”

“Maybe this is kind of cliche, but animals, well, dogs, are what I do for a living. One reason I like spending time with them so much is they seem to think people are really good. They live with us,...”

“I have a very hard time getting to rage. I always assume that maybe I've done something wrong and then forgotten about it.”

“I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.”

“Some people know that they are so adorable looking, all they have to do is smile and dress up and they get plenty from that. Then there are some of us who, early on, see that that doesn't work. So ...”

“I learned to cope with my needs for attention by creating my own private personal rituals to make myself feel special.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“All porn stars on Animal Farm are equal but some porn scenes are more unequal than others.”

“They were looking at videos, and the woman was giggling quietly, as they often do in porn stores, unable to believe what theyre seeing, the monuments men have built to vaginas and to the very notio...”

“Many seasoned porn whores develop an ability to check out at will. The girl, on her back has unlit vacancy signs where her eyes once were.”

“Higher-level capture devices, because they are complicated and involve novel applications of new technologies, tend to fail in unexpected ways. Thus, only after some years was it realized that Hot ...”

“Winning isn't everything--but wanting to win is.”

“Baseball is only a game, a game of inches and a lot of luck. During a time of all-out war, sports are very insignificant.”