“I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.”

“I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to...”

“Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?”

“When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.”

“I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.”

“I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.”

“Justice is the only worship.Love is the only priest.Ignorance is the only slavery.Happiness is the only good.The time to be happy is now,The place to be happy is here,The way to be happy is to make...”

“Be a good human.”

“Our country in general assumes that "the pursuit of happiness" really means "the pursuit of pleasure" and that therefore pleasure is the greatest good.”

“Love is what we are born with. Fear is what we learn.”

“Ultimately, we are all dead men - we only become born again after we have discovered our purpose, a reason to live.”

“In the mirror we see a stranger,Not the person we were born to be,For we are all pretending,Just for everyone to see.”

“She was of the stuff of which great men's mothers are made. She was indispensable to high generation, feared at tea-parties, hated in shops, and loved at crises.”

“For we think back through our mothers if we are women.”

“He is a young man with a future of power and opportunity and we are young women destined to be either wives and mothers at the very best, or spinster parasites at the worst.”