“Aren't all marriages kind of gay? As a man, when you get marries, essentially what you're saying is 'I will never touch another woman as long as I live, now let's put jewellery on each other and dance”

“The truth is, we have this idea that late night is about creativity and being cool, but that's not our job. Our job is to get as many people watching the commercials in between our show. That's the...”

“It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm t...”

“I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.”

“However let's turn the coin, what if we choose not to broadcast the bad news but choose to broadcast mostly good news? How would this affect our life?”

“News is how the government delivers propaganda to the masses and it is an essential requirement of the television broadcasting job to be emotionless to this.”

“I can't go outside, I know to much to be out there and I had never liked people.”

“And there were some things I didn't know I had until I lost them.”

“And there were some things I didn't know I had until I lost them.”