“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”

“I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.”

“I do a lot of lectures on survival. I always say you can't change what happened, so have a little wallow, feel very sorry for yourself, and then get up and move forward. You can't change what happe...”

“She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.”

“Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend ...”

“...the souls of none of them were dead, but only sleeping; now and then they would waken, and these were cruel times.”

“Sleep, where in the waste is the wisdom?”

“If you can't turn off your thoughts, who cares how soft your pillow is?"- David King”

“Nowadays, everybody assumes, when they wake up in the morning, if they have a question, it will get answered. Because they have the internet. No matter what the question is, someone will answer the...”

“I mean, if you have to wake up in the morning to be validated by the editorial page of the New York Times, you got a pretty sorry existence.”

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”

“There is no end to wonder once one starts really looking.”

“Look upon the world with loving eyes and the reflection everyone sees will contain love.”

“Go look in the mirror and have a talk with your real boss”