“I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't makeit through one door, I'll go through another door -- or I'llmake a door. Something terrific will come no matter how darkthe present.”

“A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.”

“I hate McDonald's. I don't want to order my dinner by yelling into a clown's mouth. If I want my face in a clown's mouth, I'll tongue kiss Glenn Beck.”

“She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.”

“With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're look...”

“Every comedian is furious. Age makes me angry. I'm unhappy at not being able to open packages anymore. I'm angry that libraries have gone. I hate children on planes. I'm very shallow, so they tend ...”

“But the powerful words of the Pastor repeated in my head, Theres a Champion inside of you!”

“Secrets, however long they are kept, usually still manage to be brought to light. The best you can hope for is that youll be in control of when a secret gets out, not if it does. -Melody in CHIMERA-”

“You are the most priced before God.Acknowledge this”