“I was raised right I talk about people behind their backs. It's called manners.”

“It always pisses me off when Im calling in to some Morning Zoo radio show to promote God-only-knows whatprobably this book, so get ready, Im cominwhen the DJ actually tries to convince me that ther...”

“A lot of people come up here and they thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus. He didn't help me a bit. If it was up to him, Cesar Milla...”

“Of course, Ive told Jesus to suck it, too, which earned me a certain measure of notoriety, because you have to make fun of any religion that would let you have sixteen kids and say its Gods will.”

“So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it.”

“Another example of getting flack from the boys is what happened when Jack Black dumped me. Thats right. I fucked Jack Black. Okay, we went out only two or three times, but thats a relationship in m...”

“I bought salvation from a man on the street. He said, "Go down to the beach and let the waves wash your feet.”

“We all have those things that help us carry on through life. It is important that these things upon which we depend for daily strength are healthy for our character rather than harmful. We must ask...”

“God made you for His pleasure. And He made you intrinsically needy and dependent on His unspeakable joy. If you are struggling with sin our addiction, dont try to kill your appetite for pleasure. I...”

“The challenge lies in knowing how to bring this sort of day to a close. His mind has been wound to a pitch of concentration by the interactions of the office. Now there are only silence and the fla...”

“Disillusioned, people simply carried out their work as intended, drinking away sobriety at the end of each hard shift and repeating the process until death.”

“My mind feels like a beehive without the buzz.”

“Well my music was different in high school; I was singing about loveyou know, things I don't care about anymore.”

“There are a million rules for being a girl. There are a million things you have to do to get through each day. High school has things that can trip you up, ruin you, people say one thing and mean a...”

“For the record, I would like to point out that it is NOT being obsessive to memorize a boy's schedule so that you can accidentally bump into him. It is called being efficient.”