“... You can only properly oppress people through a stability bordering on stagnation.”

“If we were to plot the distance between where you are RIGHT NOW and the nearest good idea, it would describe a line too big to fit inside the universe.”

“Lies aren't true, so why would anyone tell them?”

“It's really my fault because I continue listening to the things that you say.”

“The only times you say what I'm thinking, it's without any of the sarcasm and therefore the exact opposite of what I mean.”

“Most plans are critically flawed by their own logic. A failure at any step will ruin everything. That's just basic cause and effect. It's easy for a good plan to fall apart. Therefore, a plan that ...”

“You're stubborn- anyone ever tell you that before?”

“Wouldn't want to miss a war, would I?”

“In some ways blowjobs are better than sex because when you have a mouthful of cock you can't make snide comments.”

“The more wit the less courage.”

“Marriage is the grave or tomb of wit.”

“Wit beyond measure is mans greatest treasure.”