“Two passing jetliners reported to controllers theyd seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet”

“The body consists of three parts: the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain. The borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the b...”

“How do you keep a mattress on the roof of your car from flying? Yeah, well, I dont know how many people know it, but a lot of people have learned that putting your arm up there to hold the mattress...”

“Hello and welcome to this collection of calls put together specifically to embarrass the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Now youll hear us tackle the very pillars of science: physics, chemis...”

“Two passing jetliners reported to controllers they’d seen a man with a gun seated on a deck chair at eleven thousand feet…”

“How do you keep a mattress on the roof of your car from flying?” “Yeah, well, I don’t know how many people know it, but a lot of people have learned that putting your arm up there to hold the mattr...”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”