“If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance”

“You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.”

“When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.”

“Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart”

“How come they get to be gray-haired and still in love with each other, while Lilly tears out what's left of my heart and dumps it into her Jill-The-Ripper shredder?”

“You said you left Mississippi in 1854," Ron says. He turns to Mamuwalde and asks "Were you a runaway slave?" "Not at all," Cindy Lou answers. "Daddy freed him." Ron's jaw almost hits the floor. His...”

“The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe with what they dontwhichever seems likelier to win an effect.”

“The thing about her is, shes good-natured. He knew it the second he saw her standing by the parking meters. He could just tell from the soft way her belly looked. With women, you keep bumping again...”

“Dabbling in the sandbox gives Rabbit a small headache. Over at the pavilion the rubber thump of Roofball and the click of checkers call to his memory, and the forgotten smell of that narrow plastic...”