“If we adopted Jack," I quip, "we'd have to give him combat pay for an allowance”

“You don't get to be the president of anything if you have bad manners.”

“When you f*** a Vampire, you get a free hat.”

“Consider this a one-thousand horsepower divorce, sweetheart”

“How come they get to be gray-haired and still in love with each other, while Lilly tears out what's left of my heart and dumps it into her Jill-The-Ripper shredder?”

“You said you left Mississippi in 1854," Ron says. He turns to Mamuwalde and asks "Were you a runaway slave?" "Not at all," Cindy Lou answers. "Daddy freed him." Ron's jaw almost hits the floor. His...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“If a man has character, he has also his typical experience, which always recurs.”

“One has to take a somewhat bold and dangerous line with this existence: especially as, whatever happens, we are bound to lose it.”

“A nation is a detour of nature to arrive at five or six great men- yes, and then to get around them.”