“I don't imagine book elitists as my audience when writing. I dream about teachers, morticians and garbage men instead.”

“Non fiction? Non fiction?! Listen, reality is what got me into this mess in the first place.”

“Which is the true nightmare, the horrific dream that you have in your sleep or the dissatisfied reality that awaits you when you awake?”

“The most formidable adversary of evil is a persistent man with a loud conscience.”

“A good editor can make a respectable writer remarkable, just like a good parent helps a child become amazing.”

“We may think of ourselves as static anti-heroes, but in reality we're dynamic protagonists just waiting for our courage to kick in.”

“Im a dot in the grand scheme of things. I dont matter, not even to the other dots.”

“Music is a writer's heartbeat.”

“Gratitude is the gateway to a positive life.”

“I do not love men: I love what devours them.”

“Despite my ghoulish reputation, I really have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.”

“Part of his mind was screaming, but it was a distant one and easy to ignore.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”