“THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two peo...”

“It is illegal to yell fire in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like Flames! or Smoke maker! or Bad hot!”

“Like a lot of people, Ive always enjoyed commenting on strangers outfits. Unlike a lot of people, I now had a new megaphone to do it with. And, let me tell you, commenting on peoples hilarious clot...”

“REGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.”

“Socrates became a trendsetter. Other philosophers, including Plato and Aristotle and Gus, quickly followed suit, dropping their last names too. And, for centuries after that there would be countles...”

“Hotel Conundrum: The continental breakfast. What is it that makes continents so shitty at providing an adequate breakfast?”

“Those who work, knows the strength of labour.”

“I only have so much willpower, Helen," he whispered. "And since you apparently sleep in the most ridiculously transparent tank top I've ever seen, I'm going to have to ask you to get under the cove...”

“I'm infatuated with you, I cannot deny it. Physically speaking, you're a very attractive man. But I don't like you, the vast majority of the time. So far as I can gather, you behave abominably in p...”