“I had the luxury of knowing what I wanted to do. So I just sat on the bed and came up with a plan for myself:"I have to go to the Edinburgh Fringe. But I don't have the confidence to do a productio...”

“So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little nave, I feel!”

“It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized you could buy a packet of cereal with a free gift and then just stick your hand in and root around in the packet until you found the free thing. It se...”

“If you are an LGBT+ person and you come out, you have to go through your knights quest to create ground for yourself, to create a space for yourself, to stand there and say, I exist. I have no reas...”

“Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.”

“Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that's the deal.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”