“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happ...”

“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.”

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”