“Think of me as an impetuous Hegel, drunk with power, and also, regular drunk.”

“Boys have penises and girls have vaginas. If they touch at the wrong time, you can make a baby or die.”

“Prom night can be a special night, if you let it be. I know you think it's for losers and something that popular kids do because they are boring people with porcelain hearts who don't know what it ...”

“Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys--either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right. ”

“Entertainment is business: the business of fucking art in the face.”

“Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company ha...”

“THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police.”

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”

“Either a municipal bog is a private place or it isn't. If it is a private place in which to shit, how is it not a private place in which to fellate?”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“She arches her body like a cat on a stretch. She nuzzles her cunt into my face like a filly at the gate. She smells of the sea. She smells of rockpools when I was a child. She keeps a starfish in t...”

“You know the worst thing about oral sex? The view.”