Quotes by W. S. Gilbert

“But I submit, my lord, with all submission,To marry two at once is Burglaree!”

“Oh! my name is John Wellington Wells,I'm a dealer in magic and spells,In blessings and cursesAnd ever-filled purses,In prophecies, witches, and knells.If you want a proud foe to make tracks—If you'...”

“Or you or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you.”

“From such a face and form as mine, the noblest sentiments sound like the black utterances of a depraved imagination! It's human nature! I'm resigned.”

“What, never? / No, never! / What, never? / Well, hardly ever!”

“Things are seldom what they seem;Skim milk masquerades as cream.”

“Now landsmen all, whoever you may be,If you want to rise to the top of the tree,If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool,Be careful to be guided by this golden rule—Stick close to your desks ...”

“I am the monarch of the sea,The Ruler of the Queen's Navee,Whose praise Great Britain loudly chantsAnd we are his sisters, and his cousins, and his aunts!”

“When I was a lad I served a termAs office boy to an attorney's firm.I cleaned the wndows and I swept the floor,And I polished up the handle of the big front door.I polished up that handle so carefu...”

“In spite of all temptationsTo belong to other nations,He remains an Englishman!”

“The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain’s mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums...”

“When your process of extermination begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them.”

“No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don’t think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest.”

“Against our wills, papa—against our wills!”

“Exactly – you said often ('frequently') only once.”

“Oh, dry the glistening tearThat dews that martial cheek;Thy loving children hear,In them thy comfort seek.With sympathetic careTheir arms around thee creep,For oh, they cannot bearTo see their fath...”

“Yes, but you don't go!”

“If you want a receipt for that popular mystery,Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon -Take all the remarkable people in history,Rattle them off to a popular tune!”

“Art stopped short at the cultivated court of the Empress Josephine.”

“Then a sentimental passion of a vegetable fashion must excite your languid spleen,An attachment à la Plato for a bashful young potato, or a not-too-French French bean!Though the Philistines may jos...”