27 quotes found
“St John had been sitting in the back garden twizzling a pencil, on the end of which a russet deposit was impaled, which had been left on the lawn by Marmaduke, next doors ginger cat. His father had...”
“The Macedonian Endeavour Channel was screening live coverage of the world series of the Whos Got the Stupidest Name (WGSN) competition. First prize had already gone to Brian Burdock, a French Alger...”
“What have you got in there you little bastard?”
“Oh yeah, well I suddenly realises that she’d only been with my boyfriend at the Co-op Christmas do when I were eighteen. So I grabs her head and I stuck it through a display of them Muller’s rices ...”
“There was Arctic John, a businessman from Salisbury who doesn’t hold water, Bruce Knott, a social worker from Cumberland who spends his lunch hour picking his bum, and Judith Glycerine, the reforma...”
“On the other side of St John’s house is a fake egg timer who can’t maintain an erection. He shares the property with a glossy beef burger called Tom, who has been painted by a seven year old magist...”
“Your toaster’s a puff.”
