Quotes by Alison Bechdel

“Ginger: [hauling Clarice up stairs in a wheelchair]: This ivory tower needs some ramps!Clarice: What are you saying, Ginger?! Build ramps and anyone could get up!! The whole school would be overrun...”

“Mo: Toni, come on! I know you're in a lot of pain, but you hafta look at the grand scheme of things! Listen, the environment is polluted beyond the point of no return, nickels and dimes are allocat...”

“Lois: Good coffee, huh?Emma: Lois, I think you're a very attractive woman and I'd like to sleep with you.Lois: [chokes] Gak! Ahem! You don't - coff - fool around, do you?Emma: No, but I'd like to.”

“Clarice: [proposing to Toni] I'll be your lawyer if you'll be my accountant.”

“Clarice: [getting cold feet] There's still time!Toni: We can just call everyone and say we're terribly sorry but something came up and we have to leave town!Clarice: ...But what about the five gall...”

“Mo: Ginger, how can you think about sex at a time like this? Madmen are about to destroy the earth!Ginger: Can you think of a better time? I don't know about you, girl, but I want to have a G-spot ...”

“Ginger: Get off it, Mo. If I can't ogle, I don't want to be part of your revolution.”

“Lois: Hey, Ginger! Are you masturbating in there or what? I wanna show you something!Ginger: [in the tub] If I'm masturbating, will you leave me alone?Lois: No! Check it out. How do I look?Ginger: ...”

“Mo: Uh... sorry. I was just wondering why you're... you know... using that if normally you just use crutches.Thea: Well, the chair is so much more dramatic, don't you think? I use it when I want pe...”

“Lois: [intercepting a man in the women's bookstore] Can I help you find something, sir?Man: Um... just browsing.Lois: Hmm... I find that publication rather tame myself. Have you ever seen this one?...”

“Sparrow: Listen, Mo. I have been doing crisis intervention with battered, homeless women and kids all week long. Tonight, I am going to vegetate in front of the TV. If you're so worried about Bosni...”

“Thea: Didja make your quota, Lois?Lois: Yup. Kissed a woman from every state in the union. Rhode Island was a drag queen, though. Do you think that counts?”

“Miriam: Look, don't fixate on the due date. It's just an approximation. Only 5 percent of babies actually arrive on it. Most come later, in fact.Clarice: Great! How much later? Two days? Three?Miri...”

“Clarice: To most people, it's obvious that the Whitewater allegations and the sexual harassment suit are politically motivated. And everyone else is too jaded to care if Bill fucks his cat.Raffi: F...”

“Mo: Thank you, Jillian, for that fascinating, uh, transsexual version of the Oedipus legend, Oedipal Complex.”

“Carlos: Manly-Man Training Academy, Butch speaking! … OH! Señor Ortiz! Sí, this is Toni's number. ...¿¡De qué estás hablando?! ¡No! I'm not the father! I'm just the babysitter, I swear! ¿Qué?! You ...”

“Toni: Mamá... MAMÁ! I'm paying peak long-distance rates here. Could you save the Hail Marys until we hang up?”

“[A social worker has shown up to talk about Raffi's adoption during dinner with Toni's parents]Sr. Ortiz: What's going on here?Toni: Uh... mamá y papá, Gwynne... viene de la iglesia! ¡Sí, sí! Y vie...”

“Lois: Oh, you guys have enough to worry about with your careers and all. You don't need to hear about my problems.Ginger: Are you kidding? I'd much rather hear about your problems than work on my d...”

“Anjali: Oh, wow. I am tripping out that I actually get to work here! Being constantly surrounded by books! Bringing ideas, poems, and manifestoes to the world! How can you stand it?!Jezanna: That r...”