“I think you're a shit, said Keith sharply. I think much of what youve done this season is shit and I think what you've put everyone involved with this club through is shit. Hows that?”

“Well we certainly don't want to see that kind of thing, admonished Jeff Stelling. Did it calm down?No, shouted Kamara. It got worse. The police were just getting involved when the chairman was hit ...”

“Oh really? said Mayes raising a mocking eyebrow which put Rob in mind of a poor mans Roger Moore. And what on earth makes you think that you of all people would be allowed anywhere near our board m...”

“A game? Rob spluttered. A bloody game? He turned to face his father. This is your bloody fault! Im living your bloody karma!”

“Two hours later, a noise resembling a hippo rolling along a corrugated iron roof shook Jane from her doze and Rob bursts through the living room door.”

“I think you're a shit,’ said Keith sharply. ‘I think much of what you’ve done this season is shit and I think what you've put everyone involved with this club through is shit. How’s that?”

“There is no greater power than that of a laugh and happiness is a force which can save a person from the horrors of the world.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

“The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.”

“Some people think football [soccer] is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.”

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.”

“Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”