“Of the 2,639,857 faggots in the New York city area, 2,639,857 think primarily with their cocks.You didn't know that the cock was a thinking organ?Well, by this time, you should know that it is.”

“Well, kid, I have seen the future and it shits.”

“All your life has been a journey to find an identity.”

“Its the oldest story in the world. You want him back, dont you?”

“For he knew there was a pit of sexuality out there and that he longed to throw himself into it.”

“And what has been so awful in your life that you have to write about it? Mrs Lincoln, a definite gall bladder, persevered.”

“If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.”

“Sometimes you know you've got a chance with a girl because she wants to fight with you. If the world wasn't so messed up, it wouldn't be like that. If the world was normal, a girl being nice to you...”

“Smirking, he says, "Whatever spell you just tried to cast on me, it didn't work, so I think you need to go back to Hogwarts.”