“If I were the Devil . . . I mean, if I were the Prince of Darkness, I would of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness. I would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its pop...”

“Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five.”

“In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.”

“If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.”

“If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con' what is the opposite of 'progress'?”

“I am fiercely loyal to those willing to put their money where my mouth is.”