“If I were the Devil . . . I mean, if I were the Prince of Darkness, I would of course, want to engulf the whole earth in darkness. I would have a third of its real estate and four-fifths of its pop...”

“Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five.”

“In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.”

“If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.”

“I am fiercely loyal to those willing to put their money where my mouth is.”

“In times like these it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.”

“Yes, a war is inevitable. Firstly, there's you fellows who can't be trusted. And then there's the multitude who mean to have bathrooms and white enamel. Millions of them; all over the world. Not me...”

“Well-being is attained little by little, and nevertheless is no little thing itself.”

“Be not the first by whom the new is tried, Nor yet the last to lay the old aside, is a safe rule for those who would always retain the good opinion of that all-powerful, but somewhat unintelligent,...”

“Every decent con man knows that the simplest truth is more powerful than even the most elaborate lie.”

“The easiest way to steal a man's wallet is to tell him you're going to steal his watch.”

“Selling eternal life is an unbeatable business, with no customers ever asking for their money back after the goods are not delivered.”

“Write against patterns. Go against the devils. Write what you never write. Lie. Validate what you dont validate. Indulge what you dont like. Wallow in it. Write the opposite of what you always writ...”

“You can want one thing and have a secret wish for its opposite.”