Are there any vice cops in here? You dicks. How do you do that for a living? I don't understand. I first read these stories and I think, Don't you have real crime to fight somewhere? But then you think about it. Vice cops don't fight real crime. That's not their job. Real cops fight real crime. A vice cop's only job is to fuck up the party.
Download Image Share on X Share on Facebook

About This Quote

About Doug Stanhope

Doug Stanhope was a contemporary American comedian. Doug Stanhope is an American stand-up comedian, author, actor, political activist and podcast host. His stand-up material consist of profane and confrontational observations of life. Read more on Wikipedia →

More quotes by Doug Stanhope

“Artist communities love to bullshit each other and glad-hand one another, and there's no room for the crippling honesty of comedy."I'm a painter" -- well... you don't...probably need to do that.. ....”
— Doug Stanhope
art artist artists comedy

“I really don't like art with a message, unless the message is crystal clear.If you have a message that really needs to be said, just fuckin' say it! Don't hide it in indecipherable lyrics... a scul...”
— Doug Stanhope
art lyrics messages obscurantism

“I don't even understand the connection with 'died for your sins'. He died for your sin, well, how does one affect the other? 'I hit myself in the foot with a shovel for your mortgage'...”
— Doug Stanhope
christianity jesus sin

“If you start to smell some of the shit, you start smelling all of the shit”
— Doug Stanhope
government shit smelling

“Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.”
— Doug Stanhope
comedy doug-stanhope stand-up

“I watched 60 Minutes...and they showed this woman, she's in every kind of..thing like that. 'This woman', they say, 'she lost her first four children--died from malnutrition--and, now, she's afraid...”
— Doug Stanhope
comedy death life parenthood
View all quotes by Doug Stanhope →