“I heard the man and woman cry a warning as I frantically racked my brain for some sort of throat-repairing spell, which I was clearly about to need. Of course the only words that I actually managed...”

“But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake.”

“When someone tells you somebodys been murdered, laughing is probably not the best response. You know, for future reference.But laughing is exactly what I did.”

“I don't know what I was expecting a vampire's room to look like. Maybe lots of black, a bunch of books by Camus... oh, and a sensitive portrait of the only human the vamp ever loved, who had no dou...”

“But before he could either comfort me or commit further acts of violence upon my person, I spun away from him and made my drama queen moment complete by running away.”

“Let's just say you may regret that second piece of cake.' Oh my God. Regret cake? Whatever was about to happen must be truly evil.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”