“Most people think the character I do onstage is the way I am offstage, but I'm just a regular guy who spends time with his family and who turns on the television and watches a lot of sports.”

“I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.”

“Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talkin...”

“I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.”

“To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.”

“To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.”

“There is too much emphasis on being positive, to the detriment of being real.”

“Believe that fate is smiling to you and everything you touch will turn into gold”

“Self-fulfilling prophecy always come to pass”

“The worlds most successful people didnt wait for someone else to pick them, but instead, they picked themselves.”

“Play around. Dive into absurdity and write. Take chances. You will succeed if you are fearless of failure.”

“Want something else more than success. Success is a lovely thing, but your desire to say something, your worth, and your identity shouldnt rely on it, because its not guaranteed and its not permane...”

“Justice is the only worship.Love is the only priest.Ignorance is the only slavery.Happiness is the only good.The time to be happy is now,The place to be happy is here,The way to be happy is to make...”

“Be a good human.”

“Our country in general assumes that "the pursuit of happiness" really means "the pursuit of pleasure" and that therefore pleasure is the greatest good.”