“You can't beat me. I have the mind of a warlock with adonis DNA. Winning!”

“I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?”

“Dad kept us out of school, but school comes and goes. Family is forever.”

“I don't have time for their judgement and their stupidity and you know they lay down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and look at their loser lives and then they look at me and...”

“But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.”

“To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken.”

“We should love, not fall in love, because everything that falls, gets broken.”

“Who fixes broken people? Is it only other broken people, ones who've already been ruined? And do we need to be fixed? It was the messiness and hurt in our pasts that drove us, and that same hurt co...”

“The heart has its reasons which reason knows not.”

“Men work together,' I told him from the heart,'Whether they work together or apart.”

“Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.”

“And for a price, I will pretend absolutely nothing.”

“We often pretend to fear what we really despise, and more often despise what we really fear.”

“I have a strong urge to lie down and pretend this is not happeninglike the old couple in Titanic.”