“The world is not growing worse and it is not growing better -- it is just turning around as usual.”

“Stories are meant to comfort the afflicted, and afflict the comfortable.”

“Th' newspaper does ivrything f'r us. It runs th' polis foorce an' th' banks, commands th' milishy, controls th' ligislachure, baptizes th' young, marries th' foolish, comforts th' afflicted, afflic...”

“Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.”

“The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here.”

“The only good husbands stay bachelors: They're too considerate to get married.”

“Civilisation and the life of nations are governed by the same laws as prevail throughout nature and organic life.”

“So the next day I asked Dan how is it that Bubba can get killed, and what kind of half assed nature law would allow that. He thought about it for a while, and said, 'Well, I'll tell you, Forrest, a...”

“It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.”

“Any society that produces twice as many lawyers as it does poets and preachers is doomed.”

“They had stopped shouting at each other and put their faith in legal counsel. With the result that how things could be made to look was what counted, not how they actually were.”

“Fangs are more pointed, and vampires use fangs to bite people on the neck.''Yech! Who'd want to do that?''Vampires would, that's who.''Wait a minute. I saw Mrs. Monroe bite Mr. Monroe on the neck o...”