“I dont want to sit there and be like, Oh, I dont care what the audience thinks. It does matter to me. I just want them to think, to be honest.”

“I just keep losing. I mean, some people just...are supposed to lose? For balance in the universe? I mean, like, are there just some people on earth who...are supposed to be here just to make it eas...”

“The thing about stand-up was, I was doing all this sketch and YouTube stuff where I was not being censored and I got to do my own thing, and it was really cool.”

“I call 'Community' the best day job in the world, because between takes, I get to write music. I get to write sketches. I get to write movies. It's the best job ever.”

“I think it's a comedian's job to make everything funny. Nothing is off-limits.”

“I personally don't believe people really grow. They just learn stuff when they were a kid, and hold on to it, and that affects every relationship they have.”

“Not everyone may not think the way you do.”

“I think you're wrong.""Think what you like.”

“To think, to think, even with a split second left - to think was the only hope.”

“HGH testing is happening in Olympics. The science is there. It is a valid test.”

“I was a bookworm who aced every test - until third grade, when my teacher handed out a pop quiz about Jesus and the Apostles.”

“The test of civilization is its estimate of women.”

“You are the silence between the notes. The white space between the letters. The missing that makes everything else a something.”

“Parenting a pre-teen is quite something.”

“Something else has happened with computers.”