“See, Im a great believer in the power of negative thought. And in an age of affirmation, of self-help and self-love, of the rebirth of wide-eyed idealism and the power of positive thinking Im happ...”

“And I thought, yknow, I meanthis is crazy. I mean, the only thing that determines what country you belong to is where you happened to be born? What is a country, anyway? Its not, yknow, purple moun...”

“so thats why Im pleased to announce my endorsement of Sarah Palin for President in 2016: because you know that whoever gets elected is going to fuck you over. So why not vote for somebody that you ...”

“Okay. Im not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, Im in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimid...”

“INDECISION NOW!' isnt a battle cry thats going to rouse anybodys blood. But I sometimes wonder if it isnt the sanest one.”

“There is nothing worse than certainty. Doubt makes us weak. That is why its so important. Ive wasted too much of my life trying to be powerful.”

“Sometimes a strikeout means that the sluggers girlfriend just ran off with the UPS driver. Sometimes a muffed ground ball means that the shortstops baby daughter has a pain in her head that wont go...”

“Youre not going to always hit a home run in life. Youre going to strike out! Youre going to walk to the dugout of life, frustrated, while spectators chirp your name in judgment. Theyre afraid to ev...”

“He has the body of a professional athlete, chiseled to perfection in all the right places.”

“Some people think football [soccer] is a matter of life and death. I don't like that attitude. I can assure them it is much more serious than that.”

“Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.”

“Your talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you are willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”