“See, Im a great believer in the power of negative thought. And in an age of affirmation, of self-help and self-love, of the rebirth of wide-eyed idealism and the power of positive thinking Im happ...”

“And I thought, yknow, I meanthis is crazy. I mean, the only thing that determines what country you belong to is where you happened to be born? What is a country, anyway? Its not, yknow, purple moun...”

“so thats why Im pleased to announce my endorsement of Sarah Palin for President in 2016: because you know that whoever gets elected is going to fuck you over. So why not vote for somebody that you ...”

“Okay. Im not a white male. At least, not predominantly so. And as I mentioned before, Im in an environment right now where race is really important. See, Chinese men are not that physically intimid...”

“INDECISION NOW!' isnt a battle cry thats going to rouse anybodys blood. But I sometimes wonder if it isnt the sanest one.”

“There is nothing worse than certainty. Doubt makes us weak. That is why its so important. Ive wasted too much of my life trying to be powerful.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“I should hex the IRS.”

“I should hex the IRS.”

“When people start talking about Right and Left, they stop talking about right and wrong.”

“Librarian: taking the E.T. out of Libertarian.”

“If it is now the belief of my fellow men, who call themselves the public, that their good requires victims, then I say: 'The public good be damned, I will have no part of it!”