“You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again when your bullshit dies out over someone else's house.”

“Why would you throw a ball in someone's face?...Huh. That's a pretty good reason. Well, I can't do much about your teacher being pissed, but me and you are good.”

“That woman was sexy. . . . Out of your league? Son, let women figure out why they won't screw you. Don't do it for them.”

“If you work hard and study hard. And you fuck up. That's okay. If you fuck up and you fuck up, then you're a fuckup”

“Who's going to take care of it? You?. . . Son, you came in the house yesterday with sh*t on your hands. Humansh*t. I don't know how that happened, but if someone has shit on their hands, it's an in...”

“Your penis betrayed you, son. Made you think stupid. It won't be the last time that happens.”

“Most people just want to be left in peace to eat their bacon, not realising that there is no peace behind bacon.”

“the serpent if it wants to become the dragon must eat itself.”

“Even apocalypse looks less dire when viewed over a plate of bacon.”

“Worry is like a rocking-chair. It gives you something to do buy gets you nowhere.”

“But if that was going to happen, it was going to happen whether or not he worried about it.”

“Perhaps the greatest worry of all was that one day you would realize that all the worries of your life amounted to one thing: the desire to just stop worrying.”