“Here's how I'll tell you what I thinkif you see white smoke then you know I picked a new pope. And if I'm drinking a Snapple then you know I don't give a shit.”

“You are not a handgun. More like a pellet gun. Maybe even a slingshot.”

“Preston Black couldn't sleep the whole night through, Preston Black couldn't sleep the whole night through. He'd lay in bed 'til the morning came, but the devil'd visit him just the same. Preston B...”

“We're all Hitler inside. We're all Christ inside. I'm not keen on the idea, but it's true, isn't it? We've all got a little bit of the devil in us.”

“I'm sure you have drawers overflowing with panties the ladies throw at the stage. We saw you guys play down at Mon Brewing a few times. Way to keep the Nineties alive.”

“Here's how I'll tell you what I think—if you see white smoke then you know I picked a new pope. And if I'm drinking a Snapple then you know I don't give a shit.”

“If it ran, a Bean would shoot it. If it fell, a Bean would eat it.”

“If it ran, a Bean would eat it. If it fell, a Bean would eat it.”

“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally shit myself lifeless.”

“Though the trials of life are never easy, someone to stand with you and help you with your burdens is one of the true essences of living. It is well that two should join together to face life as fr...”

“Sometimes this was much harder than trying to get an alligator in a suitcase.”

“The mind of man can only teach what he has learned from others. It is how you use that knowledge that will decide who you are.”

“By Fortune's adverse buffets overborneTo solitude I fled, to wilds forlorn,And not in utter loneliness to live,Myself at last did to the Devil give!”

“I felt the back of my neck crawl. The crawling reached around to the corners of my jaw, then up to my temple, and across my cheeks.I reached up to touch it. Splinters, small fingers, hooks. Scrapin...”