“If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.”

“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”

“A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“Writing is the dragon that lives underneath my floorboards. The one I incessantly feed for fear it may turn and devour my ass. Writing is the friend who doesn't return my phone calls; the itch I'm ...”

“A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“Italians make you laugh and break your heart.”

“Jesus never pussyfooted”

“We should live our lives as though Christ was coming this afternoon.”

“Hoarded things might easily become a menace; a mere fire-and-theft risk; a breeding-ground for destructive insects; a source of worry. Men would have plenty of anxieties, but there was no sense in ...”