“Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.”

“All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.”

“A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?”

“Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.”

“So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.”

“I am no fan of books. And chances are, if you're reading this, you and I share a healthy skepticism about the printed word. Well, I want you to know that this is the first book I've ever written, a...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”

“Does God get what God wants?Thats a good question. An interesting question. And its an important question that has given us much to discuss. But theres a better question. One that we actually can a...”

“Nobody fights over the opinion of which book is better. So why do we fight over which religion is better, if they're all based on books? Let us read and learn from them all and unite in our differe...”

“How many races have been dehumanized in the name of evolution and scientific race theories? Is a bomb a religious or a scientific invention?”

“...but there's always he'll want to torture your boss anyway. Just recreationally, I mean.""Wow that would be terrific," I said”

“I have one word to say upon the subject of profound writers, who are grown very numerous of late; and I know very well the judicious world is resolved to list me in that number. I conceive therefor...”

“Uh, excuse me, sir, I, uh, don't known how to uh, to uh, tell you this, but you were three minutes late. The schedule is a little, uh, bit off."He grinned sheepishly."That's ridiculous!" murmured t...”