Im not sure what to say about struggle except that it feels like a long, dark tunnel with no light at the end. You never notice until its over the ways it has changed you, and there is no going back. We struggled a lot this year. For everyone who picked a fight with life and got the shit kicked out of them: Im proud of you for surviving. This year I learned that cities are beautiful from rooftops even when youre sad and that swimming in rivers while the sun sets in July will make you feel hopeful, no matter whats going on at home. I found out my best friend is strong enough to swing me over his shoulder like Im weightless and run down the street while Im squealing and kicking against his chest. I found out vegan rice milk whipped cream is delicious, especially when its licked off the stomach of a boy you love. This year I kissed too many people with broken hearts and hands like mousetraps. If I could go back and unhurt them I would. If I could go back even farther and never meet them I would do that too. I turned 21. Theres no getting around it. Im an adult now. Navigating the world has proved harder than I expected. There were times I was reckless. In my struggle to survive I hurt others. Apologies do not make good bandages. Im not sure what to say about change except that it reminds me of the Bible story with the lions den. But you are not named Daniel and you have not been praying, so God lets the beasts get a few deep, painful swipes at you before the morning comes and youre pulled into the light, exhausted and cut to shit. The good news is you survived. The bad news is youre hurt and no one can heal you but yourself. You just have to find a stiff drink and a clean needle before you bleed out. And then you get up. And start over.
About This Quote
About Clementine von Radics
Clementine von Radics.
Themes
- Life — Reflections on the meaning, challenges, and beauty of life