I won but I wasnt like Pat. Becauseand why this should be Ill never knowI never did a thing that wasnt somehow touched with selfish, furtive hunger, with a private, annihilating need for recognition. Because Im like a child in a fairy tale cursed from birth, and there has never been anything I can put my hand to without tainting it, no triumph so great or solemn that it doesnt turn spoiled and ridiculous. Because, sooner or later, the darkness always gets in.