“My grandma always said that God made libraries so that people didn't have any excuse to be stupid.”

“The worst disease which can afflict executives in their work is not, as popularly supposed, alcoholism; it's egotism.”

“I'm sitting in front of the TV, watching Jerry Springer, and it makes me think of how many mad people there are in the world, and whether everyone is mad deep down, they just pretend they're not, a...”

“This is a good place," he said."There's a lot of liquor," I agreed.”

“A court that wouldn't just change the world. It would start the world over.”

“Red in the head, Silver in the heart”

“I have a theory that the answers to all of life's major questions can found in a John Mayer song.”