“They always loved my sense of humor. There used to be a light switch inside one of the nurseries that was a cutout of Jesus putting his arm around two children on each side of him as he towered abo...”

“Hunter was bipolar, for crying out loud. He had checked into the nut house on more than one occasion and, honestly, I was already starting to feel the anxiety of living together. I would need to ge...”

“People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldnt even try to pull off the look-at-me-Im-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like...”

“People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look li...”

“I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me li...”

“I've got about ten things to say to you right now. But at least nine of them would make me sound like a psycho.In spite of the seriousness of the situation, I nearly smiled. Whats the tenth thing? ...”

“A truly happy woman drives some men and almost every other woman absolutely crazy”

“We all look for happiness, but without knowing where to find it: like drunkards who look for their house, knowing dimly that they have one”

“There are hours for rest, and hours for wakefulness; nights for sobriety and nights for drunkenness(if only so that possession of the former allows us to discern the latter when we have it; for sad...”

“Well enough, I reply. Remember, youre drunk. And happy. Youre supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more. like Im lusting? This is me, lusting. His lashes flutter at me. bet...”

“A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.”

“I've always said that idleness dulls the spirit. We have to keep the brain busy, or at least the hands if we don't have a brain.”

“If your workplace was somehow transplanted into the jungle and everyone was forced to survive at a very primitive level, it's safe to say that eventually your boss would rape you.”