“Become the kind of person the kind of person you would like to marry would like to marry.”

“They had money - quite a bit of it, actually - but for them, money was just bullets.”

“Wealth is a gift from God, and pride is bequeathed to us from the devil.”

“The TSA must think we're mushrooms. You know, the way they are trying to keep us in the dark, and the way they keep feeding us a fertilizing agent that comes from the south end of a north-bound cow.”

“...if the Democrats suggested a plan to burn down the Capitol building, the Republicans would counter with a plan to do it over the course of three years.”

“This particular strand of feminism is characterized by two tenets: 1. men are jerks, and 2. women should strive by all means to become like them.”

“In proportion therefore, as the repulsiveness of the work increases, the wage decreases.”

“Thirty thousand a year was all right, but dyspepsia and inability to be humanly happy robbed such princely income of all its value.”

“You will only be satisfied only when you are working”