“As with most liberal sexual ideas, what makes the world a better place for men invariably makes it a duller and more dangerous place for women.”

“It may be a cliche, but it's true - the build-up to Christmas is so much more pleasurable than the actual day itself.”

“One Christmas build-up tradition, however, has totally bypassed me - that of going up to town and 'doing a show.'”

“Fact is, famous people say fame stinks because they love it so - like a secret restaurant or holiday island they don't want the hoi polloi to get their grubby paws on.”

“As a precocious teen I dreamed of being Graham Greene. Well, as it turned out, I never wrote a great novel, sadly, and I never converted to Catholicism, happily, but I did do one thing he did. That...”

“I don't really care what people tell children - when you believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, one more fib won't hurt. But I am infuriated by the growing notion, posited in...”