Do you think theyll ever be a place for us? I mean, do you think theres a place for someone who lives under the radar, someone who has to pretend, someone who is a spy? Yes. Daly said it with such confidence that I sat up in my bed, my cast dangling over the edge. How do you know? I asked. There has to be. I dont usually philosophize, but I do know one thing. Whats that? That even when were pretending, even when were hiding under wigs or accents or clothes that arent our style, we cant hide our nature. Just like I knew from the moment I met you that you would choose this life. And just like I knew, when you told me about this mission, that you would agree to help the CIA find this girl. You would sacrifice yourself and your time with your brother to save someone. Its just who you are. Ive already messed things up, Daly. What if Im not good enough? What if I cant do it? Thats the thing, though. Youll find a way. I lay back again and buried the side of my face into my pillow. Im just not sure how. If you continue to think as youve always thought, youll continue to get what youve always got, Daly said. I considered that. I wasnt ready to give up. At least not yet. That one is Itosu wisdom, in case you wondered. I yawned into the phone. Its good advice. Ill let you go. You should be resting. Dont you have school in the morning? He said the last part in a teasing tone. Yeah, if I make it through another day at school. Maybe theyll get rid of mekick me out or something. Youd think I would have inherited some of my moms artistic genius. Can I give you one last bit of advice, Alex? Sure. Throw it all out the window. What? I stared at my open window. A slight breeze blew the gauzelike drapes in and out as if they were a living creature. Everything youve learned about art, the lines, the colors, the pictures in your head from other artistsjust throw it all out. And throw out everything youve learned from books and simulations about being a good spy. Dont try to be like someone else. Dont force yourself to follow a set of rules that werent meant for you. Those work for 99.99% of the people. Youre telling me Im the .01%? I asked skeptically. No, Im telling you youre not even on the scale. Dalys soft breathing traveled through the phone line. With a mind like yours, you cant be put in a box. Or even expected to stand outside it. You were never meant to hold still, Alex. You have to stack all the boxes up and climb and keep climbing until you find you. Im just saying that Alexandra Stewart will find her own way. The cool night air brushed the skin of my arm and I wished it was Dalys hand instead. You sure have a lot of wisdom tonight, I told him. I expected him to laugh. Instead, the line went silent for a moment. Because Im not there. Because I wish I was. His words were simple, but his message reached inside my heart and left a warmtha warmth I needed. Thank you, James.Take care, Alex. I wanted to say more, to keep him at my ear just a little longer. Yet the words itching to break free couldnt be said from over two thousand miles away. They needed to happen in person. I wasnt going home until I found Amoriel. Which meant I had to complete this mission. Not just for Amoriel anymore. I had to do it for me. (page 143)