“We were a very small circle of writers. Everybody brought to the table their own life experience.”

“The success of any stand-up act comes out of life experience.”

“There isn't anybody out there who doesn't have a mental health issue, whether it's depression, anxiety, or how to cope with relationships. Having OCD is not an embarrassment anymore - for me. Just ...”

“You can't be the dad who takes your kid out after your wife has said, 'No ice cream,' buys the ice cream, and says, 'Don't tell your mother.' You teach the child to lie - and to disrespect the othe...”

“After being on the road so much I want to spend more time with my family who I hear are wonderful people.”

“The biggest void that people can have in their lives is a sense of humor. Spending your life with someone who doesn't have that wouldn't be palatable.”

“I've been giving back since I was a teen, handing out turkeys at Thanksgiving and handing out toys at toys drives for Christmas. It's very important to give back as a youth. It's as simple as helpi...”

“My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving. I get the total decorating Christmas itch.”

“Christmas is the antithesis of Thanksgiving. Christmas is pretty much a man-made holiday.”

“I suffer the mortification of seeing myself attacked right and left by people at home professing patriotism and love of country who never heard the whistle of a hostile bullet. I pity them and the ...”

“There is a lot to celebrate about that little Babe who was laid in a manger. Christians celebrate Christmas because they are thankful for the promise of salvation, which was delivered in human fles...”

“I'm not going to tell you to meditate on what Christmas really means and be thankful.”

“I am the perfect version of me.”

“But if you tame me, then weshall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, Ishall be unique in all the world.”

“I don't want the world to keep turning without me on it.”