Healthy people understand that others have the capacity to choose to end relationships and it serves as motivation for them to learn to relate inhealthy and loving ways.However, when we are driven by shame, we don'tjust fearlosing arelationship, but we live interrorthat if welet anyone really get to knowus, we would never bedesired,pursued, or loved. In us, that fear can be workedout in thedevelopment of unhealthy denial, workaholism, perfectionism, chameleon-type behavior, and sadly, even revictimization... When we live in denial or present a false self out of fear... we will do anything to be accepted by people... When we begin to tell the truth about what happened to us we also begin the process of turning about from this type of idolatry... When we begin to tear away our layers of illegitimate shame... When our own vision is not distorted by our shame we can discern what was our responsibility and what wasn't.
abuse-survivors being-exposed chameleon chameleon-type-behavior dysfunctional-relationships false-self fast-of-being-alone fast-of-rejection fear-of-being-found-out fear-of-being-known fear-of-exposure fear-of-intimacy healing-insights hiding-from-the-past revictimization self-hate shame unhealthy-coping unhealthy-habits unhealthy-relationships vulnerable wearing-a-mask workaholic
Download Image Share on X Share on Facebook

About This Quote

More quotes by Wendy J. Mahill, Growing a Passionate Heart

“Shame evokes anxiety about what will happen if someone really knows is, but, because it is impossible to for anxiety and anger to be felt simultaneously, we can dream our anxiety by employing anger...”
— Wendy J. Mahill, Growing a Passionate Heart
abuse-survivors ashamed avoidance contempt
View all quotes by Wendy J. Mahill, Growing a Passionate Heart →

Related Quotes

“Stop looking for that person you were in the past. She has changed. Look for the person she has grown into. She is wiser and stronger than than ever before. Don't go back to who you were. Cherish w...”
— Chris Pepple, Without a Voice
abuse-survivors domestic-violence encouragement-quotes faith

“Closeness was the promise of suffering and pain”
— Alice Jamieson, Today I'm Alice: Nine Personalities, One Tortured Mind
abuse-survivors child-abuse complex-ptsd fear-of-intimacy

“In spite of the horror, in spite of the tragedy, in spite of the weeks of sleepless nights, I'm finally alive. I'm not pretending. I feel real. I'm not playing charades anymore. I wouldn't go back ...”
— Ellen Bass, The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
abuse-survivors authentic-self charades child-abuse-survivor

“Living a short life as a proud person is more worthwhile than living a whole century as a chameleon.”
— Eraldo Banovac
chameleon inspirational-quotes life-quotes living

“You know, you seem like a completely different person, now that you're with this new boyfriend. You used to look like your husband, but now you look like David. You even dress like him and talk lik...”
— Elizabeth Gilbert
chameleon identity

“You really are a chameleon, aren't you? Fitting in wherever you go."Aren't we all?" she said...”
— Suzanne Palmieri, The Witch of Belladonna Bay
chameleon fitting-in human-nature