I see an actress smoking a cigarette in an old Fred McMurray movie. Shes clever and beautiful and manipulative. I feel envy. I suddenly wish I smoked cigarettes and was as clever and beautiful and manipulative as she. I want to be that way at the restaurants I visit, as Im walking to my car, with certain friends who might understand. The actress has played her part well; shes made me want to emulate her base desires if only for a while. Does that make me impressionable, a fool, or someone who will recognize the deepest secrets of her heart?I fight hard to stay youngto keep the lines from further etching my face and hands and breasts, presumably to trick the world into believing I am young. Im an actress playing a part. Im afraid to tell the truth. I fear losing those younger or becoming those older. In the presence of youth, a sort of unseen age-osmosis occurs within me. The years drop away and I dont want to leave. Its utterly selfish but I dont care. After all, Im no older than theyIve just been so longer. I was nineteen only yesterday and they dont retire nineteen-year-old actresses.

About This Quote

About Chila Woychik, On Being a Rat and Other Observations

Chila Woychik, On Being a Rat and Other Observations.

Themes

  • Beauty — Appreciating aesthetics, grace, and the sublime

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